Joe Roney / Programmer, a.k.a. “Speedy”
Joe has been dating the same woman for 26 years and everyone expects that he will pop the question any day now ....actually it’s only been 8 years, but who’s counting (besides his girlfriend, and his mom, and of course his girfriend’s mom, and his best friend, and his work colleagues and his uncle Skip)? Not one to make a rash decision, rest assured Joe will make the decision when the time is juuuuust right. He claims there is a two-for-one discount if you purchase your marriage license and get your AARP card at the same time.